Bob’s angry list

Bob Lancaster, a columnist for the Arkansas Times, further solidifies his place at the top of the heap among Arkansas’ funniest newspaper/Web publication columnists.

His Sept. 3 observation provides the results of an alleged town hall meeting in which Lancaster hosted to determine why folks are mad at town hall meetings.

Lancaster said: “I’ve had your comments analyzed by a certified Mad Panel — a farm club of the famous Death Panel — and its decision is just in. Sorry but the Mad Panel says you’re not as mad as you’re letting on. Times just aren’t tough enough now for the kind of serious mad that you’re affecting — the kind of mad that precipitates revolution. That ‘wants its country back.’”

Below are just a few reasons Lancaster believes you’re mad.
• You’re mad because it happens all the time that people at another table at a restaurant — people who came in after you did — get served before you do.

• You’re mad because someone else’s 6-year-old child always beats out yours in these beauty contests that doll up baby girls to look like whores.

• You’re mad because, according to the prosperity gospel preachers, God wants everybody to be rich and happy — except, apparently, you,

• You’re still mad about the Missouri Compromise.

• You’re still mad because all the townspeople in “High Noon” were such chickenshits.

• You’re still mad that while it might’ve got some people a dee-luxe apartment in the sky, affirmative action didn’t get you Jack Squat.

• You’re mad because it’s more and more the case as you get along toward the sunset that, just when you start having a good time, you have to interrupt it to go pee.

Link here for the full list of reasons behind your anger.