Broadcast this

The Fort Smith Board of Directors began live telecasts of their voting meetings at their July 21 meeting. Those interested in watching the sausage being made can tune to cable access channel 5 at 6 p.m., July 21. If catching the drama live is not an option, the meetings will be rebroadcast Thursday through Sunday at 7 a.m., 2 p.m., 7 p.m. and 11 p.m.

Because the board meetings are as boring as they are important, following are the extensively considered yet poorly researched Top 10 ways to encourage more citizens to view the live broadcasts of the meetings of the Fort Smith Board of Directors.

10. One of the seven directors gets stoned before the meeting and the 33rd caller to identify who is impaired/entertaining gets to drag race a city transit bus down Garrison Avenue.

9. Girls from Cheyenne Gentlemens Club introduce each new agenda item. (Is that a proposed unified development ordinance amendment for a temporary irrevocable license in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?)

8. Every other meeting is designated “pants-optional.”

7. City Directors must reach their assigned seating position by navigating a “Wipeout” style obstacle course.

6. Every other month, City Directors are required to attend dressed as their favorite character from Hee Haw.

5. During the citizen comment forum, city residents are called by Radio Personality Gary Elmore to “Come on down!” (Think “The Price is Right.”)

4. Monkeys are allowed to roam loose. Mad, hungry monkeys.

3. Following the pledge of allegiance is a “flyover” of remote control airplanes.

2. At a different, randomly-selected time the meeting is suddenly interrupted by a game of musical chairs, and the director who loses must for the remainder of the meeting sit in the Mayor’s lap.

1. Swimsuit competition.