Celery

by Michael Tilley ([email protected]) 189 views 

A few years back there was this Facebook fad in which a friend would “tag” you to post 25 random things. Or at least that’s how it may have worked.

Being so tagged, I posted 25 random things. They included:
• Elephants produce about 50 pounds of dung a day, which is a reminder that if you deal with big things in life, expect a lot of crap. From above.

• It’s time to reform the structure of county government in Arkansas. Any system of local government that is at its foundation just one or two evolutionary steps from the political machinations of a time when ensuring power was more important than encouraging progress is long past due for an overhaul.

That random fad was soon replaced because an attention span of more than 30 seconds is required to prepare or read a list of 25 things — random or otherwise.

Lately have noticed a few of these “Top 15 things we could do without” lists. OK, I’ll play.

Celery: Triple yucky stacked on top of decomposing gag.

More federalized education: Performance is down and costs are up. Anyone want more of that?

Silly political pledges: Dumb.

Reality television: Mostly staged and formulaic. Like Congressional hearings.

Corporate radio: It’s a business model designed to suck money out of a community.

Westboro Baptist Church: Religious celery. But they do serve a purpose in providing a example of the potential tyranny of an unchecked theocracy.

Bubble-gum country music: Worse than celery and a sack full of silly political pledges.

Arkansas’ collection of liquor laws: More annoying than bubble-gum country music. The state’s liquor laws are to efficacy and practicality what Congress is to responsibility and public trust.

Restaurant waitstaff who try too hard to be your friend: Back off with the Tony Robbins stuff. Good service will secure a tip.

Robocalls: Political celery.

Non-users of cruise control on interstates: It’s a simple form of technology that reduces chaos on the road. Don’t be a fluctuating-speed-prick.

Anonymous website commenters: Spineless celery. Grow a pair, already.

Media double-standards: Traditional newspapers will cite other “established” media outlets who first break news, but don’t afford the same courtesy to pure online media outlets without the same “pedigree.” Then again, we shouldn’t expect professional courtesies from a dying industry.

Ugly entrances to Fort Smith: Visual celery. How did the citizens there just approve a water park, but failed to demand a plan that would set aside money to create and maintain pleasing entrances to Arkansas’ second largest city?

Conformity: Especially of the religious and political strain. Or with folks who faddishly follow Facebook list thingys.