Regarding Rosey, again
by April 4, 2010 6:28 pm 98 views
We’ve received a few more real letters from a real reader. As we noted in our first conversation with Rosey’s owner, we’re not sure about the dog, or the story about the dog.
Posting and responding to the letter, however, allows us a break from election year silliness, the wonders and wanders of municipal government and any misguided attempts to understand the psychology of citizen movements with a guiding principle of ready-shoot-aim.
The letters and responses:
Dear Mr. Tilley:
I know I don’t deserve it but thank you for printing my letter about Rosey (and Rosey thanks you) and we also appreciate your response.
If I thought that your response would be to contact the Fort Smith mayor or the University of Arkansas at Fort Smith, I would have sent my letter to the Times Record instead. After all, that’s a real newspaper. I thought I was going to where the action is. That is the story of my life. And as for you, you must learn to see beyond the booze and sex. Believe me, that’s the story of my life! People don’t care about me, besides the booze and sex, and I am desperately trying to get noticed. I feel that if I’m noticed, I will get to be loved and I feel that Rosey, my dog, is the key to that.
All upset about Rosey’s toots, I withdrew her name, but I now wish to resubmit it. And I want to make it perfectly clear that I am resubmitting it to you. You are a part of this process for better or for worse and you will find an award which suits her. I consulted with Rosey about her predilections and she said, “Screw it,” We are as good as anyone so go ahead and put up her name for an award. All Rosey did was an expression of youthful exuberance (by human measure, Rosey is 87) and these toots only occur at certain times.
Generally, Rosey expresses love for the whole world in dignified ways most suitable to a Christian community but in ways that do not belong in a family newspaper.
We do not always have electricity in our part of town so we may not always have access to The City Wire, and if anyone should respond, please call it to our attention. I will get my chauffeur, Ludie, to go to the cyber cafe on the corner and look it up.
Very truly yours,
An Insignificant Reader
Dear Insignificant Reader and owner of Rosey:
Thanks again for contacting us, and we especially appreciate your belief that The City Wire is “where the action is.” However, we don’t post news about car wrecks, bank robberies, house fires or two rednecks who stab each other following an argument about A) the real meaning of an ex-girlfriend’s tattoo, B) how much is still owed on that Holley carburetor, and C) lyrics to a David Allan Coe song. Which is to say, if you’re the kind of person who would watch Jerry Springer instead of Jeopardy, The City Wire is not where the action is for you.
The good news for Rosey is that we may have found an award for which she may be eligible. The bad news is that we’re not clear on the eligibility requirements of the 2010 Frontier Achievement Awards. The awards program, which was once managed by somebody else and now is handled by the Education & Quality of Place division of the Fort Smith Regional Chamber of Commerce, are to be presented April 15 and the deadline for applications is April 7.
Eligibility for this award, as noted above, is confusing. The award is meant to recognize a person or business that has made an “outstanding contribution to the historical development of our city, or helped to preserve the heritage of Fort Smith.”
This is confusing for two reasons. First, we at The City Wire are not sure about how one contributes to the “historical development” of our fair city; in that a development requires the passage of time before it may be considered historic. To wit: The original Miss Laura’s was, in its prime, just one of several whorehouses on the riverfront serving up women and whiskey to community men of all standings. Today the building and its legacy is a “historical development.” Today’s bordello is tomorrow’s birthright.
A second point of potential confusion is about the preservation of Fort Smith’s heritage. If the award organizers seek the preservation of the history inherited from our predecessors, then we wonder as to if that includes the portions of our history where we killed Indians, segregated blacks, fought against women’s suffrage and poured raw sewage and industrial chemicals directly into the Arkansas River. We assume this award seeks to recognize the positive aspects of our heritage — as difficult as it may be to separate the physical accomplishments of men and women who built Fort Smith from their political, social and religious mores.
Anyway, it may be that Rosey, with her “predilections” involving alcohol and sex, is ahead of her time — like the original Miss Laura — with respect to the recognition you so desperately seek. Also, the “heritage” of bisexuality (as you noted about Rosey in your first letter) may not be something city leaders will want to preserve. Remember, it took several decades after women gained the right to vote before many civic clubs in the Fort Smith area allowed women to join.
Nevertheless, we’ll be happy to submit a Frontier Award application on behalf of Rosey.
Sincerely.
The City Wire staff
P.S.: Rosey or you may want to confer with past Frontier Award winners to get a better understanding of eligibility. Winners still living include Mayor Ray Baker, Fred Williams, Carolyn Pollan and Paul Giuffre.
A follow-up letter from Rosey’s owner:
Dear Mr. Tilley:
I thank you for your response to Rosey concerning the Frontier Awards. It was interesting, from our point of view, that you would consider a dog as an appropriate applicant. That, of course, is your problem.
From our point of view, namely our problem, your response was a little late.
Rosey was last seen heading for San Francisco singing THAT SONG and wagging that cute butt. Rosey explained that San Francisco, as a city, has a vision and a will and believes in the indomitable spirit of the individual and the ability of citizens to create a community. It is her plan to get her own double wide in downtown San Francisco. If Rosey writes from her new home, which I expect will happen, I will let you know.
The downside to all of this is that, as a result of her departure and the consequent diminution of my family, I’ve had to let my chauffeur go. Ludie, Rosey’s half cousin from Crawford County, was in that position and he had to go back to the chicken plant. Since this is a family “newspaper,” I will not tell you what Ludie does to those chickens as they come down the line.
So you see, we are all interconnected, but thanks for your efforts. Tout va bien.
Best regards,
An Insignificant Reader
Dear Insignificant Reader and owner of Rosey:
Hate to hear about Rosey’s trip to the west. It’s ironic that we considered her for a Frontier award and then she up and heads west, just like many other folks many years ago who came to briefly partake in the heritage and “historical development” of Fort Smith before traveling west.
If Rosey returns, please know our lawyers say we’ll need Rosey’s updated shot record and any and all police reports before we’d be able to promote her for another award.
Sincerely.
The City Wire staff