Adam & Eats: Kopper Kettle Smokehouse

Editor’s note: Adam Brandt is a graduate from the Cobra Kai School of Culinary Callousness, where he received their highest award, the Red Apron of Merciless Eating. Aside from eating and talking about eating, he makes pots, paintings, prints, books, photographs, and generally, a big mess. He has been the studio assistant at Mudpuppy Pottery for almost nine years and is attending a local university in a desperate attempt to earn a biology degree. Feel free to give him a hard time.

Spring is in the air and that has got me craving smokey meat products. This craving led me to the Kopper Kettle Smokehouse one warm and sunny weekend afternoon. It was here that I had a revelation. Homemade bread is probably the greatest thing ever.

The Kopper Kettle Smokehouse is located, not surprisingly, right next door to Kopper Kettle Candies right off of Alma Highway in Van Buren. The KKS, as I like to call it (simply because typing the full name over and over wears my fingers out) offers southern hospitality and home cookin’ to all who step into their humble dining room. The simple country décor and friendly staff create a very relaxed eating environment. Perfect for a lazy spring weekend. After working all week and tilling the garden first thing Saturday morning, what sounds better than a simple lunch and nap in the shade? Let me tell ya, not much.

And by simple lunch, I mean the kind that will, in fact, put you in what I like to call “the Nap Locker.” (It’s not the hurt locker. It doesn’t hurt you, silly. It makes you want a nap, though.)

KKS offers many a homemade item on their menu, but none so impressive as the One Pound B.L.T. And yes, it is just what you think it is. A whole pound of their deliciously smoked bacon, lettuce, tomato, and mayo all piled high on an enormous homemade roll. It is so monstrous that when the waitress (who worked at the Ginger Tree forever, I think) brings this glorious sandwich to your table, she also brings you a to-go box. It saves her the trip later. The best part of this sandwich, well, other than the pound of bacon, is that it holds up remarkably well the next day.

May I also suggest that you try the Buffalo Burger with all the fixins on the homemade bread. And with cheese. Don’t forget the cheese. Spectacular! Eating a burger on a sweet yeast roll will change your life.

And now for the bad news. KKS knocked it out of the park with the main dish and then bunted with the side dishes. The tiny dollop of potato salad that you get with your sandwich/burger tastes like potato salad, but is kinda chewy in a slightly unpleasant way. The small handful of fries are alright, but are nothing to write home about. They’re ordinary French fries.

This is where I am torn. On one hand I want to complain about the portion sizes of the side dishes and on the other hand I want to commend them for making the main dish the star of the show. I think that if the side dishes were a little better (maybe I should have tried the baked beans), I would have no qualms with the portion sizes. Perhaps I, like the rest of my fellow countrymen, am brainwashed into believing that I need a whole crap load of whatever side dish I order with my One Pound B.L.T.

Do not be disheartened, humble reader, by the lack of gargantuan tater pile on your plate at the KKS. For they redeem themselves in the way every true Southerner expects. With pie. Delicious, delicious pie. May I recommend the Pecan & Cream Cheese? I think I will.

After eating at the Kopper Kettle Smokehouse, belly full of smoky bacon, homemade bread, and decadent pie, may you stretch out in your hammock in this cool Spring air and dream peacefully about the other half pound of bacon sandwich that is awaiting you in the fridge.

Feedback
When he’s not beating his eggs, Adam makes time to respond to e-mails that get past his hard-ass spam filter. You can try to reach him at [email protected]

Adam also has this thing called Sandwich Control.