The City Wire Special Report: Tonya’s world

Editor’s note: This is the third in a series of stories on mental illness issues. Throughout 2010 The City Wire will attempt to post at least one story a month on this often hidden affliction.

Previous articles in the series
• Mental illness hits one in five persons
• Robert’s colors and Asperger’s Syndrome

story by Marla Cantrell
[email protected]

Tonya is one of the funniest women you’ll ever meet. Take her to a party and she’s magic. She tells amazing stories, like the one about a blind date that ended outside a trailer with her new friend, clad in camouflage, showing her how to operate his homemade, aerosol-can-powered, PVC potato gun.

Laughter ricochets off the walls when she works a room. People wipe away tears. They want to know her. She’s hilarious. She’s the perfect friend. She’s always on. Except when she’s not.

And that’s the problem.

Tonya, like nearly 15 million other Americans, is battling clinical depression. Women are twice as susceptible as men. According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, one in eight women will suffer a major depression during their lifetime.

There are several theories why women are more prone to depression. It’s likely a combination of factors, such as genetics, biology, reproductive issues and hormones. Whatever the reason, depression is rampant in this country and is now the leading cause of disability.

THE HIGHEST POINT
At 20, Tonya’s boyfriend was killed in a traffic accident. It was the final blow for her that year; she’d lost her great-grandmother and then she dropped out of school. When she was told, she drove to Mount Magazine. She crossed the guardrail, stopped at the spot where hang gliders fall off the cliffs like young birds leaving the nest, and thought about what it would be like to die.

“I stood on the edge of one of the biggest rocks and looked down. I had gone there with him once and it was so beautiful,” Tonya said. “And it was the highest place in Arkansas and I thought if I was going to do it (commit suicide) that at least I’d be able to fly for a moment. I came really close.”

Major depression often hits in adolescence or early adulthood. It can also be triggered by a traumatic event, like having a loved one die. But Tonya can trace her problem all the way back to kindergarten.

“As young as five, I felt like I didn’t fit in, that most of the kids at school didn’t like me,” Tonya said. “Whether it was true or not, I don’t know. It wasn’t my family. I had a great family. I had no reason to be sad. But that feeling really worked on my self esteem. … I don’t think people who deal with depression process things the way level people do. The smallest thing can seem like the end of the world to me. The next day, I’ll be fine. I don’t think that happens to ordinary people.”

FAMILY CONNECTION
It took her years to understand what was going on. Depression wasn’t unheard of in her family. She had two uncles who committed suicide. But it wasn’t talked about either. If you were sad, you dealt with it. It’s what people did. Only she couldn’t.

Depression does tend to run in families, which seems to indicate a biological predisposition. A 2006 study by the American Journal of Psychiatry showed that parents, siblings, or children of those diagnosed with recurring major depression before the age of 31 have more than a two-to-one chance of developing the disorder. And according to a recent government study, only half those suffering from depression are getting treatment. The stigma attached to the illness is sometimes hard to overcome.

“When you think of mental illness, you think more about those with mental challenges,” Tonya said. “You don’t want to see yourself that way. You finally see depression and anxiety as a mainstream problem, but you’re never quite sure other people do. You don’t want people to think you’re crazy and that often keeps you from getting help.”

After she contemplated suicide, Tonya sought medical help. In the beginning she was prescribed Valium because her symptoms were so severe. She clicked off the names of the antidepressant that followed: Wellbutrin, Zoloft, Celexa. She finally found a drug that worked for her.

GET HELP
Anyone struggling with depression should immediately contact their primary care physician. Therapy, support groups and specialists may come later, but the first step is finding someone who can help you take control. The longer you wait, the harder it is to pick up the phone and make an appointment. If thoughts of suicide come into play, skip the doctor and go straight to an emergency room.

In 2006, suicide was listed at the seventh leading cause of death for men in the U.S. and sixteenth for women. Approximately four times as many men as women kill themselves.

MANAGING THE PROBLEM
It hasn’t been easy, but Tonya learned to manage the illness. Then a few years ago she was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis and soon after lost her job. Since then she’s had health insurance only sporadically because she’s often too sick to work. A drug company supplies the shots she administers three times a week, but she can’t see a doctor regularly or pay for tests needed to track the progression of the disease. It’s been a lot to handle for someone who is only 31.

“I can’t believe we’re not doing something more about health care reform,” Tonya said. “I think if you have a lot of money and you’re a lawmaker passing bills, you don’t know what it’s like. If you’ve ever had a health problem and haven’t had insurance, you get it.  It’s hell. It’s inhumane. You ask yourself the tough questions: Do I pay the rent? Do I buy food? Or do I pay for the medication I can’t afford. Well, you don’t pay for the medication. It affects everything in your life. … I know there are other issues out there, but when you’re facing a health issue, it’s the only issue.”

Still, she keeps working to improve her life. She recently completed her bachelor’s degree in communications at the University of Arkansas at Fort Smith. She said the anti-depressants help her stay even and organized, something that wasn’t possible before. And she’s been able to maintain a wicked sense of humor.

“You know, it’s been really hard but there have been some great times,” Tonya said. “I mean, I got to stand in stilettos outside a trailer in the middle of nowhere and shoot a PVC weapon with a man who was either delusional or drunk. OK, he was both. Anyway, if I hadn’t been so depressed when he asked me out, I probably would have said no.  And then I would have missed one of the best stories of my life.”