The ‘New Moon’ movie sucks. There, we said it.

Editor’s note: Peter Lewis has agreed to use whatever it is you call his writing style to provide some measure of analysis to those folks who still go to a theater to see a movie. Enjoy.

My first introduction to the rabid popularity of the Twilight Saga came, quite naturally, as a result of a adolescent female. Prior to that, I had skated through life blissfully ignorant of this “literary” sensation. Eventually this blissful ignorance gave way and I actually began reading the saga. (If you are so inclined, you can read my opinions on the books at this link.)

When Twilight first hit the big screens I was mildly interested in seeing it, as I am almost any book I read. For me, testing the cinematic waters and comparing them to the written output is always an interesting probe (more on the topic of literature and movies will be appearing here on The City Wire next week as a part of my bi-weekly culture column). Unfortunately, I was rather disappointed in Twilight the movie, so I did not have high hopes for the second installation, "New Moon." Perhaps vainly, I held onto the tiny hope that the introduction of new character twists (in the form of Indian werewolves, no less) would spice things up a bit.

Despite the low expectations, I was still let down. It is certainly no small feat to walk into a movie theater expecting low to mid-level entertainment and be rewarded with something even worse.

This latest installation of the Twilight Saga is dogged by its scope. As is the goal for most books that become films, the creators sought to replicate the book. To take the world that the words evoke and have it translated to the screen. This effort failed roundly.

The book, while not great by any stretch of the imagination, operates on a much larger canvas. There is more freedom, more character development, more breadth to the story. These are all lost. In the film we are offered quick synthesizations of emotions and episodic flashes of story that create neither deep feeling nor concern in the viewer. Instead, one is left somewhat disconnected from the narrative and, unless one is sated by base emotions, deeply dissatisfied.

While the film fails to adequately translate to the screen, it is only half the problem. The actors themselves bring very little to the fold. Though the culprits are many, the breathy sexuality and melodramatic exasperations of Ms. Bella Swan (played by Kristen Stewart) was decidedly unbearable. It seemed, as a close friend succinctly put it, that she “graduated from the Party of Five school of acting.”

In addition to the oppressive acting on display, there were countless other tick-inducing decisions made by the creators. From the overt (and unnecessary) demographic pandering (who needs shirts!?) to the circa 1990 Saved By the Bell attire of Jasper Hale (played by Jackson Rathbone), the movie produced one irritant after another.

Though I have just spent a few hundred words hammering home the utter worthlessness of the film, it wasn’t all bad news. Since I’ve been told I can get a bit “curmudgeonly” as a writer, I decided I should dedicate at least one paragraph to what was good about New Moon before delving off into what was not good. Though it is far from a saving grace, there was one bright spot in the film: Billy Burke playing Charlie Swan, the father of the protagonist, Bella Swan. Unlike the rest of the actors, Burke’s feelings, his attitude, his lines, they were all believable. Not only that, they were universally appealing. His presence was a much needed piece of neutralizing levity.

In the end, the film is most unfortunately constrained by the novel itself. Most of the film unfolds with the youthful “lovers” apart from one another. While Bella’s incapacitating depression and burgeoning relationship with Jacob drive the second novel, the film version is, simply put, an inadequate adaptation of a book that, at best, can be considered mediocre.

• New Moon is playing at the Carmike 14 in Fort Smith, the Malco Cinema 12 in Fort Smith and the Malco Cinema in Van Buren. Link here for time and ticket info.

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