Leading with the heart: How relational connection drives success

When I first heard about Masaru Emoto’s research, I was skeptical.

The late Masaru Emoto was a Japanese businessman and pseudoscientist who claimed that positive human intention could affect the molecular structure of water. His “research” included having two groups interact with water, one with positive words and images and the other only speaking and thinking negatively. Emoto claimed that the molecular structure was different when the frozen water was examined under a microscope. The water receiving the positive affirmations had snowflake-like structures, while the negative-intentioned water developed disease-like patterns of crystallized formations. Emoto was highly scrutinized for his lack of scientific publication and poor experimental controls. However, some have taken Emoto’s research to propose that because a high percentage of the human body is made of water, interpersonal relationships could be deeply affected similarly.

I’ll leave it to the scientists to defend or disprove Emoto’s theories. Yet some application areas could be considered, such as the powerful impact of relational connection on a human being.

I still shudder when I remember my fifth-grade basketball coach, Coach Cox. He understood the logic of basketball but refused to build any positive connection or trust with his players. The content of what he was constantly yelling at us was probably correct.

However, I only remember the fear I felt when he spoke to me and seeing the foam come out of his mouth when he was angry. Coach Cox didn’t understand that if he wanted to bring out the best in us, he needed to speak not just to our heads but to our hearts. As all effective coaches know, the right answer without a positive relational connection is not enough to build a winning team.

Perhaps the American culture of achievement has shaped a climate in which outcomes are emphasized above relationships. American psychologist, researcher and science journalist Daniel Goleman summed up this international contrast when he wrote, “Companies in the East put a lot more emphasis on human relationships, while those from the West focus on the product, the bottom line. Westerners appear to have more of a need for achievement, while in the East, there’s more need for affiliation.”

In the same way, coaches are challenged to bring out the best in their players; leaders are called on to bring out the best in team members. Leaders can choose to operate solely in the power of their title and give logical direction to team members, which will generally result in degrees of compliance. Or, they can engage with both the head and the heart of their team members. While initially, this will cost more time, the long-term result of “heart speak” may make this well worth it.

For the leaders challenging themselves to speak to the heart of their team members, it begins with cultivating curiosity about team members. Find or create ways to connect with the individuals on your team. Take 15 minutes each week to discover the unique qualities of one team member. Take that extra time to learn about that person’s musical interests, hobbies, food preferences, pets, travel, life experiences or family. It is much more difficult for a leader to ignore or objectify team members when they are personally known. In return, human beings tend to respond better to direction from someone with whom they have a degree of relationship. Regardless of Emoto’s research, you hold the power to form something positive on the inside of each person on your team.

Erik Dees, PhD., is a partner with Milestone Leadership. Milestone Leadership’s Mission is to “Build Leaders Worth Following.” He can be reached at 319-504-3083. The opinions expressed are those of the author.