Adam & Eats: Sephy’s

Editor’s note: Adam Brandt is a graduate from the Cobra Kai School of Culinary Callousness, where he received their highest award, the Red Apron of Merciless Eating. Aside from eating and talking about eating, he makes pots, paintings, prints, books, photographs, and generally, a big mess. He has been the studio assistant at Mudpuppy Pottery for almost nine years and is attending a local university in a desperate attempt to earn a biology degree.

It may come as a great surprise to you that a person with as big a mouth as I have could be at a loss for words. But this week’s restaurant has left me utterly bamboozled.

Under normal circumstances, this would be OK, but it is my business to write about restaurants, and not having words to describe an eatery is bad for business. It is probably a bad sign that my first note to myself about the restaurant is “This place is insane.” Anyways, after many an episode of “No Reservations,” my loins are girded and I think it is time for us to have a little talk about what it means to be focused. Or rather, unfocused.

Located on Alma Highway, where Pig-N-Pepper was until recently, is the new home of Sephy’s Layers Stop. That’s Sephy’s, not Stephy’s. The first thing you notice when you pull up to the joint is a commercially made sign on the front window bragging about 101 different omelet’s and 30-something different lasagnas. This earns a raised eyebrow, for sure.

Then there’s the décor, which is mostly what I call restaurant black, but it is accented with the brightest colored fake flower arrangements imaginable. (Completely ignore the stripey Christmas present in the corner. Don’t look at it, whatever you do.) Then perhaps you’ll notice the handwritten signs announcing Karaoke every evening on the weekends. There will be prizes. Oh yes, there will be prizes. Pray you are not there when they are checking the equipment because you will not be able to hear yourself think, let alone hear your very freshly minted waitress.

Speaking of the staff, perhaps it is the fact they have just recently opened, or perhaps they have never really worked in food service before, but the service is awkward and slow at best.

Then there’s the menu. It reads more like a novella, actually. The list of food options consists of a neon plastic 3-clasp school folder filled with upwards of 20 pages of choices (remember the number of omelets and lasagnas are just the tip of the iceberg); some items with descriptions, some without. Overall, just the walk from the car to the table and a brief glance at the menu has got your brain so overloaded that making a decision about what to order is nearly impossible. You’ll probably catch yourself being tempted to order by just randomly flipping through the book and where your finger stops is what you will have. I almost wish that the menu had an index and a glossary so I could make heads or tails of it.

Now that we’ve gotten the ambiance out of the way, let’s talk grub. As you may have expected, the food takes quite awhile to make it to the table. Preparing such a wide variety of cuisines (see their Facebook page for a list of all of the different types. Also note their recommendation for attire.) takes a long time. People in this area traditionally do not happily tolerate a 1-hour wait for 2 eggs and a biscuit with gravy. I’m ranting about service again when I am supposed to be talking about the food. Sorry.

The aforementioned biscuits and gravy are, as much as it pains me to admit it, homemade and fan-friggin’-tastic. The 2 eggs over medium came out a little too done to still be called over medium, but at least they came out.

Another surprisingly great dish is the BBQ calzone. This homemade pizza crust is stuffed with tender chunks of barbeque chicken and mozzarella, served with a side of their freshly made barbeque sauce, and is big enough to feed two people.

Now, if you are in the mood for a gut bomb, worthy of 2 a.m. in the midst of a whiskey bender, I recommend the Papa! Omelet. Number one, the thing is massive. Number two, it consists of sausage, pepperoni, ham, and God-only-knows what other kinds of meat and cheese, wrapped in what looks like half a dozen eggs, and drowned in chili. The thought of it gives me heartburn.

Some of the other dishes came up a little short, however. The Sri Lanka omelet was a missing a much needed kick, the Kabob was a little one note, and the French onion soup was kind of bland.

One word: focus.

The idea of variety is great. It’s the spice of life after all, but without focus you leave the patrons feeling confused and uncomfortable. Nobody wants to feel uncomfortable while eating comfort food.

Some people may say I’ve have been a bit too hard on a fledgling restaurant. Others may say I wasn’t nearly hard enough. The truth of the matter is that with a little work, a little training, and a lot of focus, Sephy’s has the potential to be phenomenal.

Until next week, good eating to you and yours.

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When he’s not beating his eggs, Adam makes time to respond to e-mails that get past his hard-ass spam filter. You can try to reach him at [email protected]

Adam also has this thing called Sandwich Control.