Names that are all wet

The submitted names for the water park being built by Sebastian County and the city of Fort Smith would be Exhibit A if you were to build a case that creativity and marketing are missing from the tool box of local government leaders.

This management company we’ve asked to run the aquatics park at Ben Geren proposed the following three names for the park (and I AM NOT making this up):
• Parrot Island;
• Flamingo Falls; and
• Coral Bay.

Members of the Fort Smith Board of Directors and Sebastian County Quorum Court are leaning toward Parrot Island Water Park. Naming the park after a bird with speech that mimics and is often caged appeals to them. Sounds about right. (Both bodies are expected to vote on rates and the name during their next regular voting meetings on Dec. 16.)

The city was asked how the three names submitted were chosen.

“There’s been a significant amount of market testing done on several prospective names. This tested extremely well,” noted a response from Fort Smith Communications Manager Tracy Winchell. “Remember, we’re marketing a regional water park, inside the community and out of state. It’s an experience.”

It’s damn sure been an experience; especially the part where the $8 million park approved by the voters became an $11 million park almost before the last ballot was counted.

But we don't have parrots, flamingoes or coral in this part of the world. At least not that are native. Did no one in county or city government laugh at these names? Granted, the process to fund and build the park has ranged between questionable and perplexing, but one would be forgiven to believe the three submitted names would have never made it on the first list much less the final list.

Following would have been the conversation between the management company and 99 out of 100 Kind Readers in this region:

Management company person: “Our name ideas for the water park are Parrot Island, Flamingo Falls, and Coral Bay.”

99 out of 100 Kind Readers: “That’s real funny, but I ain’t got time for stupid jokes.”

Management company person: “No. Seriously, those are the names we recommend.”

99 out of 100 Kind Readers: “Well, you have ‘til the end of the day to bone up on Fort Smith area history and personalities and such and get back to us with name options that brand the park to the region and give us marketing options.”

Management company person: “But those are the names we recommend.”

99 out of 100 Kind Readers: “You’re fired.”

The city and county could have created positive buzz and generated public excitement about the park with a naming contest. But that’s not going to happen – at least not with the overall park. Naming contests may be held for the water park features – lazy river, slides, wave pool, etc. – but us citizens aren’t to be trusted to give it all a proper name. Our taxes and votes are welcome, but keep your naming ideas to yourself.

Several folks in the area also are puzzled by names that include parrots and coral and tall leggy birds. This guy reactivated a Facebook page to solicit better names for the water park. He likes “H2O-Zone,” but is open to all ideas. Name ideas his page received include Wet Willy’s and Boondoggle Bottoms.

My suggestions, in no particular order, are:
• Belle Point Water Park;
• Natural State Cove;
• Fort Smith Aquatics Center;
• Miss Laura’s Wet House;
• Money Pit Shores;
• Future Liability Beach; and
• Broken Promises Bay.

Feel free to submit your ideas on the Facebook page linked above, or in our comment section below.

And not to bias your idea process, but I really believe Miss Laura’s Wet House would give us the most bang for the buck.