Communication: Triumph Over the Tricky (OPINION)

As of January, the number of words in the English language was 1,025,109.8, according to the Global Language Monitor.

In a world that contains this many word choices, coupled with nuances in delivery method and tone, perhaps it is no wonder that effective communication can be tricky. But to triumph over the tricky simply requires a few techniques.

Wordsmithing: To wordsmith something means to make changes (written or verbal) to improve clarity and style, as opposed to changing content. This is about committing to what often might be tough content, knowing there are multiple ways to deliver it. Let language work to your advantage, all 1 million-plus word choices.

Framing: Framing a message is intentional positioning what is said. It is deliberately orchestrating a message so that you are speaking in a voice that the recipient can hear. And by that I don’t mean verbally hear understand. Being more strategic in your delivery also sounds more professional.

Response versus reaction: While emotions can surface in dialogue with another, you ultimately have a choice. Reacting is letting those emotions get the best of you, while responding is taking a moment to process before re-engaging in the conversation. It’s the difference between eloquence and ranting. A more controlled response will serve you far better.

Assume good will: We often misinterpret someone’s communication style, believing that somehow their undesirable delivery is directed at us and not merely a function of their personality. If we extend grace by assuming good will and acknowledging the diversity of personalities surrounding us, we can examine the conversation on a more neutral level. Now we can process the merits of the content, and not want to strangle the messenger.

Go-to phrases: Regardless of how well you respond versus reacting, or extend grace to others, you will eventually be caught off-guard. Having a few stock statements ready to go will serve you well at those times. I suggest something like “Ask me that again in a different way,” or “Say that to me differently.” This buys you time to mentally process in case you misinterpreted some portion of the conversation, and it subtly suggests to the other person that what they said did not sit well with you. It’s a complimentary do-over for everyone.

Ask before tell: Cognitive processing studies indicate we listen at roughly 200 words per minute and think at nearly 2,000 words per minute. The mental chatter can distract us. We are listening, but might miss relevant pieces of the conversation. So, before launching into your storyline, you might stop to ask a few questions to clarify meaning, to ensure connectivity, and to calibrate your thoughts.

Voice: Voice is how we say what we say. The best dialogue is clearly articulated, with appropriate volume, in a refined pitch, using alternating rhythm and tempo, and controlled timbre (use of emotion to enhance meaning). Finally, breathe deeply to remain relaxed. 

Silence: There’s a reason silence is golden. Not every discussion requires input; not every thought should be shared out loud. And truth be told, silence really does speak louder than words.

It’s unlikely that our need to communicate with others will diminish any time soon. As the world becomes more connected our ability to navigate language and hone delivery techniques will only work to our advantage. The above techniques just scratch the surface of direct communication; just wait until we add non-verbal communication to the mix. But that’s a discussion for another column.

Stacey Mason is the owner of Mason on Leadership and uses insight, perspective and humor to move people toward greater self-awareness and thought leadership. More information is available at masononleadership.com.