The other voice

Editor’s note: Michelle Stockman is an independent consultant with her company, Fort Smith-based Msaada Group. Stockman earned a bachelor’s degree from Loyola University-Chicago in communications and fine arts, and earned a master’s in entrepreneurship from Western Carolina University. Her thoughts on business success appear each week on The City Wire.

Opening and running a business invites a new world of experiences into business owners’ lives. Starting a partnership-based business adds a few extra lessons into the mix as communication and trust (or lack of) often ignite the sparks that cause the business to burst into flames.

However, there is often another partnership that lurks in the corner of many businesses that need careful attention. Whether the person’s name is on the books or not, the spouse, domestic partner or significant other has a large role in the rise or fall of a small business.

The challenge with the “silent significant partner” is their care and concern for the business matches the passion of the entrepreneur, but usually for areas not on the entrepreneur’s radar. Additionally, the silent significant partner is concerned over something they have little, if any, detailed knowledge to understand what their partner or the business needs. This “passion meets crevasse” ever widens with communication misfires from both parties trying to move in the same direction while walking different paths.

Regardless of genders, the silent significant partner has an equally large role and investment into the business as the entrepreneur. If you don’t agree, let’s take a look at a business start-up through the eyes of an entrepreneur’s spouse.

Meet John and his entrepreneur wife, Pam. The couple has been married 10 years with two great careers, a great home and the all American dream of a humble life. However, Pam has always been one to dabble in a few part time hobbies that turned into hobby businesses. One day, the dream stumbled in the economy mine field as Pam lost her job to downsizing.

To John, the lost job triggered concern for the family needs in maintaining the standard of living to which they had grown accustomed; however Pam saw this set-back as a golden opportunity. After assembling a business plan and the support of John, she began her first full-time business. John and Pam used their savings to obtain everything Pam needed to start and the couple was eager to pursue this opportunity. Pam saw this business as her new baby, while John saw this as an opportunity to work alongside his wife.

It didn’t take long before John began to worry over the business as Pam began working 60 or more hours a week, she continued to need money to make it and his idea of where the business should be was not the reality. Meanwhile, Pam began constantly thinking about the business and all the demands that come with the territory. Her ability to care for the family and the business were strained at best, and she couldn’t understand why John didn’t understand the pressure she felt. Both partners became frustrated with each other as Pam felt John’s business suggestions meant he didn’t trust her decisions.

As the months progressed, John grew in frustration over not seeing Pam take his business suggestions seriously, and Pam became overwhelmed by the demands that her customers, friends and family were placing on her through the business. While she tried to involve John as much as possible, she felt that he either didn’t listen or understand all the business information she would share. John, overwhelmed, didn’t understand why Pam couldn’t stop her excessive long hours to spend time with her family and share in the demands of the household (especially the bills).

The couple grew from content, to concerned, to overwhelmed and angry. Ironically, the anger was really fear wrapped in a blanket of blame towards the other person. In going through a business startup, many life changes occur. From increased working hours, decreased salary (revenue), lack of health insurance and increased risk through the method of business finance, change sparks everyone’s fear of the unknown. The changing dynamics of starting a business will bring one of the greatest challenges between any couple.

Fights will occur as couples not only have household differences to work through, now there are differences of opinion about the business to work through (especially when a business is going through a period of struggling).

Couples might struggle over which partner is running the business (this is especially true when the entrepreneur is the woman) or who tag teams the business vs/ household responsibilities. Couples who invite a small business into their lives will have every aspect of that relationship challenged, especially when times are tough. Building a strong foundation, particularly with communication skills, within the relationship is critical to survive both for the relationship and for the business.

The couple should take a business class or two together, and the couple should decide when and where is an appropriate time for discussing business matters. Set boundaries with the business inside the home just as you should set boundaries in discussing home life in the business. Most importantly, work through the squabbles, and love your life not just your business.

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Stockman can be reached at [email protected]