Rosey politics

Rosey is back. With her (or his) back up about politics.

As a reminder, an alleged dog owner sends us real letters about Rosey’s (the dog) incessant need for attention and glory and sex and alcohol. The latter two choices are understandable, but we find it ironic that Rosey seeks glory and attention from the local social ruling class of which she professes to detest.

The first letter from Rosey detailed her need for attention. The second letter portrayed Rosey as a testy little you-know-what who packed her martini glasses and headed west when perturbed with The City Wire’s slow response to her need for attention. In the third episode of this pitiful drama, The City Wire tried to make up by proposing a new award in Rosey’s honor. The “Rosey” would recognize individuals, governments and other deserving (or undeserving) entities who create WAY more noise than results. Winners (or losers) will receive a bronze likeness of Rosey chasing her (or his) tail.

It appears Rosey, according to the latest letter from her (or his) owner, does not believe politics is an honorable path to the attention so desperately sought.

Dear Mr. Tilley:

It may be that everyone is a little sick of politics and that, in addition to the corrosive nature of politics, is what is fueling the anti-incumbent fever in our country. But you’ve got to admit that it does not seem, at times, that the best people seek office.

This was a subject of discussion the other day at my house when Rosey and I were in the hot tub sipping stingers. The house is mine but the tub belongs to Rosey, who by the way was naked. This ownership allows her to choose the guests. My chauffeur, Ludie, was there, as well as Rosey’s bodyguard, Georgie Keys, as well as our outside housekeeper, Mary Mad … everyone on the pipe, including Peno, our man in charge of water. You don’t want to know what the specific responsibilities are.

But we were all discussing the qualifications and running for office and being on civic boards and the like. A good part of the process begins with ego. Unfortunately, that’s sometimes the only qualification available. But if there were no ego, there might never be any creativity. What to do?

Mary Mad, the aggressive outside housekeeper, suggested we come up with a list of qualifications, sort of bench marks, and at least we, informally, apply these to all the people who want to run for office. Rosey made the first proposal. She said any applicant cannot have a mustache. Mary Mad, for obvious reasons, insisted we vote that down.

Peno had been very quiet and then he suggested that, at a minimum, they should know “how to screw the pooch.” As you may know, Peno was in the Navy and that’s the way he talks. This really upset Rosey and she didn’t quite know how to make out what he was saying but insisted he leave the hot tub immediately and that broke up the session.

We’ll get back to you.

Best regards,
An Insignificant Reader

The City Wire responded:

Dear Insignificant Reader and owner of Rosey:

It may be that Peno is the only one with the correct perspective on the matter. Before Rosey nips at my shins and removes us from the promised consideration for one of her “off-the-record” hot tub executive sessions, please hear us out.

Two of Arkansas’ most popular and successful — success in terms accomplishments and in moving up the political ladder — also happen to be in the top four of the top 53 political sex scandals according to Politicker.com. Or course, our former Gov. and President Bill Clinton takes the No. 1 spot after getting Lewinskied in the Oval Office.

Rep. Wilbur Mills, a Democratic congressman from Searcy who became the chairman of the powerful House Ways and Means Committee and was a presidential candidate in 1972, was busted several times during intoxicated romps with stripper Fanne Foxe. Mills, who ranks fourth on the Politicker list, once held a press conference from Foxe’s dressing room in the burlesque house where she performed. Now, that’s just good-old fashioned in-your-face and whatcha-gonna-do-about-it screwing the pooch that folks could get away with in the quiet time before Facebook, cable news and Viagra.

One might think Rosey would be proud and/or inspired that the small state of Arkansas could score so well in the top 53 list. Also, it’s likely Rosey appreciates how these two leading politicians were able to “screw the pooch” at the height of their power and popularity. Mills had a drinking problem he was later able to overcome. Clinton was just an All-American red-blooded horn dog.

We’re not suggesting Rosey do something wild like displaying her (or his) sexual proclivities in the Oval Office, Tidal Basin or other public venues. We do suggest that her lust for attention may best be sated by first getting elected and then doing something untoward with one or both of the big marble legs at the Lincoln Memorial. A call to the national media 15-30 minutes ahead of her leg work wouldn’t hurt.

Please know we are just trying to help.

Sincerely,
The City Wire staff