Wedding rings, rifles, a Winnebago and parakeets for sale on ‘Dial a Deal’

story and photo by Marla Cantrell
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I discovered the radio call-in program Dial a Deal while driving to work one morning.

The first call  was a woman trying to sell an engagement ring she’d been given not two weeks before. She still had the receipt. But not the fiancée. The diamond, she said, wasn’t big enough to choke a chicken.

I was hooked.

The show airs twice a day, once in the morning and once at noon, on KDYN, in Ozark. It’s the “Real Country” station, in a town where country matters — the school mascot is a hillbilly.

Marc Deitz, the KDYN morning DJ and general manager, will read your birthday on the air or, God forbid, your obituary. They’re often announced back-to-back, so that the circle of life is explained in the time it takes to make a pot of coffee.

Deitz also reads the school lunch menu for the day and police reports from the night before, like the one about the teen who was arrested for getting tattooed without parental consent. A tattoo and a police record. This kid just ascended to rock-star status.

But the Dial a Deal program is the real draw. Approximately 60 people call every day during the 30-minute morning show. That number drops to half at noon, but so does the show’s duration. Deitz, whose father started the program after hearing it on an Oklahoma station in the 1980s, said it’s the most popular show on KDYN.

It works like this: callers can sell, swap or trade anything except real estate. And I mean anything.

“I have 22 parakeets I need to sell all together.”
“I have a ‘91 Astro van needs some door handles put on it.”
“I got an electric sewing machine I’ll trade for two goats.”
“I got a entertainment center and wiener dog that’s been spaded.”
“I’m selling a shotgun for turkey hunting and a .32 Winchester Special with a half a box of shells.”
“I got a pug for stud and a Winnebago that’s never been smoked in.”

Callers give their phone numbers out over the air and hope for the best. There are rules. Only five items per call and repeat callers must wait until the show is half over before joining in.

Dial a Dealers fit into three categories: good salespeople, bad salespeople and surrogate sellers. This guy understands the sales pitch. He’s not trying to make a profit; he only wants to help you.
“I’m looking to buy a good pickup — Chevy pickup or a Jeep. And if anybody’s out there struggling to make payments on ‘em, I’ll take the payments over and save their credit.”

Then there’s this guy. He could use a few lessons in the art of the persuasion.
“I got a ‘86 Nissan 4×4. It’s a single cab, not an extended cab. Now, the transmission has a little bit of a problem. I don’t know for sure what to do about it. I’ll take $500 for it, as is.”

Some callers are selling for others, usually a family member. Once they get started though, they might throw in a few things of their own.
“My wife has two prom dresses.  One’s a pink, strapless, Cinderella-style. And it’s a size 16. She paid $400 but she’ll take $150. The other is a silky, purple, halter top, size large and she’ll take $75, she paid $150.”

It’s takes a confident man to describe a dress as silky and Cinderella like.

“My husband has an older Lincoln welder and a helmet and some rods.  Works good. $150. A set of four white-wall tires, P20570R-15. $50 for the set. And I have a loveseat, Riverside, that’s older but in good shape for $25, and a real nice rollaway bed with mattress, very clean, for $75.”

Listen for a while and you’ll start to know the repeat callers. The woman wanting to sell the 22 parakeets “all together” called back three days later. Her standards had dropped considerably.
“I have 17 parakeets to give away,” she said. “Bring your own cages.”

So much for keeping the family intact, or making a profit. But maybe the 17 birds are still together.

“That lady that had the parakeets to give away a while ago, I’d appreciate it if she’d call me back.”

Those with missing pets also call in. It can break your heart when you learn Tucker the cat was last seen on Highway 23 four days before and the kids really miss him. You start pulling for Tucker, although you know the odds are against him.

The Dial a Dealers tell you things you wouldn’t expect. A man once proposed on the show, but Deitz never heard back from him, so he thinks it probably didn’t end well. Another man said he was selling all his hunting gear because he was too sick to run his dogs anymore. An older gentleman had a “commode, lavatory and .22 rifle” for sale because he’d just renovated his bathroom to accommodate his wife, who’d recently been confined to a wheelchair. I can’t even speculate how the rifle fit into that scenario but I can guarantee there’s a story there.

That’s the thing about this show; it’s not about what’s being sold, it’s about the stories behind the sale. You just have to listen.

Just don’t turn it off too soon or you might miss the one place where someone understands that your drinking needs and your plumbing needs are equally important.

“Why not start a batch of homemade beer or wine? It’s easy, just visit with Les or Linda at Elmer’s Plumbing and Electric. They have complete kits with recipes, ingredients and restrictions. Ask Les about the new chocolate raspberry quart kit. Elmer’s Plumbing and Electric, just south of the square in Paris.”

That’s what I call marketing.