Unimportant things

There are a lot of important things we could discuss.

Our world of local, state and federal politics are awash in oddities, what ifs and what the hells. The primary ballot for the 3rd District Congressional race may look like a phone book. It will be interesting to see who Wal-Mart buys supports for the 3rd District seat.

Then there is this process to resolve the funding issue with the Fort Smith Convention Center. To clarify, the words “process” and “resolve” in the previous sentence may be substituted, respectively, with “obtuse series of special meetings” and “unnecessarily confuse the general public about.”

The city of Fort Smith is attempting to gather regional folks for a meeting with the Arkansas Highway Commission. We could talk about how they should play a variation of bingo, with all the spaces marked out except for “I” and “49.”
Caller: “I, 49”
Everyone: “Bingo!”

Or we could talk about the continuing success of this thing called The City Wire. Or maybe not. Mentioning our traffic growth, new content additions and overwhelming community acceptance could jinx the whole damn thing. I’m not the superstitious type, but, well, you never know.

But conversations built around the aforementioned topics would be too serious and require more detailed research than what I’m prepared to give. (Make your own joke here about how that’s never stopped me in the past.) Instead, let’s wander through a list of 12 random things that have nothing to do with nothing and don’t in any way lead to an insightful or entertaining conclusion. (Make your own joke here about how that would not be different from what is normally posted in this space.)

1. Wal-Mart Stores has millions of shopping carts in its U.S. stores. Only 23 of them function properly. None of the 23 are in the Fort Smith area.

2. Beware of folks pushing an idea by using the phrase, “Paradigm shift.” Remove the “f” from the phrase and that’s what is probably being thrown your way.

3. If getting into Heaven requires spelling “Rhythm” in one try and under 10 seconds, I’m screwed.

4. You never see Prince in the same place as Pee Wee Herman.

5. There are few things more enjoyable than watching your children engage in active, imaginary play when they don’t know you are watching.

6. The two most dangerous people in America are activist liberals and activist conservatives. They both believe your individual liberties should fit within their narrow band of right and wrong.

7. The blue whale makes the loudest sound among animals, using a low-pitched moan that has been recorded at 188 decibels and can be heard up to 530 miles away. Which yet again proves that if you use the right medium, you don’t have to scream to be heard.

8. It’s interesting how people are quick to give credit for fortunate coincidence to God, or Allah or whatever brand of religion they drink. You never hear the losing quarterback say, “God really let us down today, preferring instead to favor those beer-swilling, skirt chasers from Central State Polytechnic.”

9. The best country song title has to be, “I’m at home getting hammered while she’s out getting nailed.”

10. The first five words of the U.S. Bill of Rights are, “Congress shall make no law …” It’s a thing of beauty.

11. It was when observing in late 2009 a 7-year-old laugh heartily and sincerely at Donald O’Connor’s “Make ‘em laugh” routine in the movie “Singing in the Rain,” and when listening in early 2010 to a 5th grader intelligently discuss the discography of Pete Townsend that I realized this country is in good hands.

12. Folks shouldn’t celebrate leadership that moves forward. That’s its job. Leadership is supposed to shift out of neutral. You don’t get special credit for shift you’re supposed to be doing; for doing shift for which you are getting paid. Leaders are those who should already have their shift together.