Scene by Carson: News flash!: Green means go, red means stop

 

Editor’s note: Amanda Carson recently graduated from Ole Miss where she wore a cocktail dress and high heels to football games at which tailgating was conducted in a tent adorned with a chandelier. Prior to this she attended a private school in Memphis at which Southern manners and etiquette was stressed — which does not explain her football game decisions. Anyway, Amanda will attempt to infuse her Southern experiences, exposure and education into the arts and entertainment scene in the Fort Smith/Van Buren region.

This is something you start dreaming about when you’re six, get to do when you’re 16 and are tired of by 36. It is something you do everyday of your life. It is your means to freedom and what can lock you down into routine.

On average Americans spend 2.5 hours everyday, 910 hours a year, doing this according to a KGB survey. So how can so many be so bad at something that is such a major part of life? Well, we all know plenty of them and chances are you could be one yourself; yes, you could be one of the terrible, terrible drivers causing other intense road rage.

People, come on. This may sound cliché, but you literally are behind the wheel of a one-ton weapon, so for heavens sake use some common sense and common decency.

Clearly there are a few basic driving etiquette rules and Drivers Ed 101’s of which many need to be refreshed.
• Green means Go
• Yellow means Yield
• Red means STOP aka bring the vehicle to a halt
• Drill it, learn it, live it.

So when the light turns red it is not saying “Why yes, everyone else must stop, but you have permission to blow on through, because you are more important than everyone else.” Oh and guess what? Most intersections have cameras now that will catch you and just mail you a ticket. Talk about a good way of cutting out the middle man.

If you come to a red flashing light that means to treat it like a STOP sign. If you have a yellow flashing light you are to proceed through with caution. And at a STOP sign whoever stops first has the right of way to go first. Make sense?

Okay boys and girls, does anybody know what double yellow lines means? Anybody? Anybody? (Crickets) Double yellow lines mean DO NOT PASS, so don’t blow past someone in a 65 mph zone because they are not going 90 mph and hindering you from getting to the Denny’s breakfast special five minutes sooner. Because have you ever noticed when you blow by someone or someone blows by you, you most likely can give them a friendly way at the stop light they got to just 10 seconds faster.

Now, you’re driving along and thinking you need to get in the other lane because your turn is coming up soon, but there is a car in your way. Hmm, if only there were a way to “signal” (insert air quotes here) to let other people know you were needing to get over.  Too bad, guess I’ll just cross three lanes of traffic and hope for the best.

Rearview mirrors are not there for you to tease your over dyed hair or pick last night’s movie popcorn out of your teeth, while going 40 mph down Rogers Avenue where the lanes are narrower than a bean pole. No sir, the mirrors are there to help you look before you merge. Miraculous.

The number on the speed limit sign should closely match the number on your speedometer the needle is pointing to. And, FYI, it is more of a nuisance when you drive under the speed limit; keep up with the flow of traffic if you don’t like getting the birdie.

A special note to the older generation. If your bouffant hair and knuckles are the only thing that can be seen over the steering wheel and dash, then you probably should not be in the drivers seat of a car. Or if it takes you five tries to park the Lincoln in an empty parking lot and you still didn’t make it in the lines, shred your license please.

One would hope such issues would not have to be put in such elementary terms, But since it seems people pass their drivers test easier than graduating kindergarten, apparently it does. So please folks, if you are such a driver read this twice and if you know such a person pass this along and make them read it three times. 

Don’t be trashy, be a classy driver.

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Even though she graduated from Ole Miss, Amanda is comfortable using e-mail. You can reach her at [email protected]