Do as the Romans do and don’t see this movie

 

Editor’s note: Peter Lewis has agreed to use whatever it is you call his writing style to provide some measure of analysis to those folks who still go to a theater to see a movie. Enjoy.

review by Peter Lewis

These post holiday winter months have a reputation as being a dumping ground for films. The Oscar nominations are in, the holiday season is over and the audience is left with cinematic schlock. Latest in this unfortunate line is “When In Rome,” an empty and regrettable piece of cinema starring Kristen Bell and Josh Duhamel.

Directed by Mark Steven Johnson, “When In Rome” gets off to an absurd and rocky start. This pace of ridiculousness continues unabated throughout the film. “When In Rome” introduces us to the highly successful, but relationship challenged Beth (Bell). After a horrible and embarrassing day, she learns her younger sister is to be wed to an Italian in just a few days. While there, she unexpectedly meets a seeming Mr. Perfect in the form of Nick (Duhamel). The perfection is crushed when she sees an encounter from the wrong perspective and lashes out at the Fountain of Love outside the wedding. Stealing a few coins propels the love story forward on its rocky path toward eventual happiness.

While there was nothing overtly wrong with the performances of either Bell or Duhamel, they were, God bless them, working with complete garbage. The dialogue was poor and without much spark (not to mention sense). Despite this, there were occasional moments of both levity and reality. The prior coming in the form of some mindless slapstick, while the latter, provided by Bell, was as refreshing as it was rare to appear.

The remainder of the cast is filled out with a literal who’s who of Hollywood funnyman acting. Will Arnett plays an Italian painter, Jon Heder a stunted illusionist, Danny Devito a sausage mogul, and Dax Sheppard a narcissistic and underemployed model. While the veiled innuendos behind Devito and Heder’s characters are both rather amusing, it’s a tragedy that such adept and hilarious players were wasted on such nonsensical shallowness. The entire scenario of this quartet being captivated by the magic of the fountain was wretched. It seemed as if the film was actively striving to compensate for its wretchedness by resorting to these superficial tactics.

The film is built on the notion that the heart of a successful woman can only be melted by that guy. Though it is far from truthful, I understand its appeal. Everyone wants to be swept up and away by a dashing figure. And if the film was created as such, I would be far less contentious.

Unfortunately, the entire premise of the film rests far from reality. It rests on the stereotypical premise that women are indeed crazy (the Stacey character being a constant physical reminder). So it is no wonder that the script was penned by two men best known for their enlightening work writing “Old Dogs.” Knowing countless women that are both sane, competent, and successful, it is somewhat painful to see these dismissive stereotypes built into yet another film. I’m not trying to cater to anyone, but surely a romantic film can honestly depict women without creating such paper thin characters. It can contain romance without creating relying on flimsy pretexts that reinforce the idea of women as loons.

I walked into “When In Rome” knowing absolutely nothing about the film. I felt after two straight weeks dealing with obscene levels of machismo, violence, and poor dialogue, a nice (hopefully witty) romp with a rom-com would straighten out the world. If nothing else, I hoped that the piece might remind me of my own idylls in a foreign land.

I walked out of “When In Rome” knowing that my naiveté knows no bounds. I felt largely disgusted after dealing with obscene levels of ridiculousness, unintelligible plot, and sentimental dross. Furthermore, the film did nothing to straighten out the world and was nowhere near an idyll.

If a film is unable to propel itself forward without resorting to such empty writing, it is best left unmade.  As Mr. Vonnegut was fond of reminding us in “Slaughterhouse Five,” so it goes …

• When in Rome is playing at the Malco Cinema 12 in Fort Smith and the Malco Van Buren Cinema. Link here for time and ticket info.

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