There is always the recessionary angle to a fine dining adventure

 

Editor’s note: Peter Lewis, who has authored “The Friday Feast” since November, is reviewing 30 locally-owned and/or operated restaurants across five categories: American, Asian, BBQ, Mexican and Date (establishments to impress your date, spouse or both). Each Wednesday through late August, The City Wire will post Lewis’ review of two restaurants. That’s a review of 30 restaurants in 16 weeks for those keeping score at home.

Week 1: Taqueria la Guadalupana, and Las Americas Too
Week 2: The Cuban Grill and El Rodeo
Week 3: El Milagro and Restaurante Salvadoreno Norita
Week 4: Green Papaya and Pho Vietnam
Week 5: Fried Rice and Pho King
Week 6: Diamond Head 2 and Tran’s
Week 7: Yellow Umbrella and Goodson’s
Week 8: Red Rooster and Boom-A-Rang
Week 9: Lewis’ Family Restaurant and Hamburger Barn
Week 10: Big Al’s and Al’s Barbecue
Week 11: Neumeier’s Rib Room and Jerry Neel’s
Week 12: Pink Flamingo and Art’s BBQ
Week 13: 21 West and Bella Italia
Week 14: Doe’s Eat Place and Rolando’s

review by Peter Lewis

As we are often reminded of it in a variety of ways, the recession is hard to ignore. We are all forced to recognize the shaky fragility of our existence here. Even the jolliest of people may despair in the face of life’s sobering bleakness.

Since there is a fair amount of reality in reality itself, I thought for this final column we would put things on their head a bit. This is in deference to those that may want a special evening with a loved one, yet find the prices of the previous establishments a bit too steep. Furthermore, it is also in deference to those who simply like to tip-toe along the edges of conformity or even those who seek a little absurdity in their life. For if there is one thing that we all learned from Mr. Wonka (courtesy of Roald Dahl), it’s that “a little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest of men.” Though, I’m not always particularly male, but always wise, I’m certain the same goes for women. Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it.

For this, our last of tests in “Doing 30 with Peter,” we set out to very diametrically opposed establishments. While both heavily utilize unique advertisements to entice possible patrons, they offer very different experiences. One is a royal purveyor of beef, while the other actively petitions people to east less cow. Most of you have probably correctly guessed that I will be reviewing both Burger King and Chick-fil-A and are curious how either constitutes as fine dining. With a white table cloth from home, a properly lit booth, and that catchy melodies of muzak tingling in your ears, even these establishments can be a fitting excursion for love birds … as long as they aren’t chickens.

CHICK-FIL-A
First, we must begin at 6810 Rogers Ave., chicken HQ. I have always loved Chick-fil-A.  As a child, it was always the place my siblings and I wanted to eat. We had to have those chicken nuggets and waffle fries. And that was what I continued to eat through the years until college. Something inside me flipped. I began eating the Chick-fil-A chicken sandwiches. Those basic, delicious treats. My alma mater is blessed in many things. Included among the many perks were the variety of food options like Chick-fil-A available to the budding scholars on campus. (All those involved in financing my university education should skip the next few lines)

Visiting the Chick-fil-A inside the student union instead of class became one of my favorite thing to do in college the morning after a particularly taxing evening. Generally, I would further harm my education by skipping across the street to the now defunct Tower Records shop and buy a few albums. Revived and again equipped with a joie de vivre, I was ready for the next class.

Nostalgic memories are not why we are here. The point of order is both the food to be had at Chick-fil-A and the romantic possibilities therein. First, you must ascertain a white table cloth of some sort. Depending upon who is in charge at the restaurant, usage of mood setting candles might also be an option. The setting now complete, take your date by the arm and lead her/him/it to the counter and place your order. While you are all now widely aware of my passion for the original chicken sandwich, there are a variety of options available at Chick-fil-A. It is actually this mirth of options that have aided in giving Chick-fil-A one of the best health food ratings among restaurants, particularly the “fast food” variety. The point in case is the chargrilled chicken sandwich. It is a good counterweight to its more homely cousin, the original chicken sandwich.

When it comes to fast food, one can tell a significant difference in the materials used to prepare the food. With Chick-fil-A, the relative quality of the ingredients is an overt marker that thrusts their menu items like the chicken salad sandwich, chicken caesar cool wrap, or even the popular lemonade. It is this dedication to quality that creates the massive lines one sees when driving past Chick-fil-A on any given day at lunch time.

Thus, it is perhaps less of a stretch to envision a white table cloth date at Chick-fil-A than other establishments. Just be sure to top off that visit with an icedream. Nothing like the tasty simplicity of an ice cream cone to crown a chic candlelight collation. (Full disclosure: I once worked, albeit briefly, at a now defunct Chick-fil-A location while in high school. That was approaching 10 years ago and I have no vested interest in the success of any Chick-fil-A in the area. However, as those that have ever worked in the food industry know, the fact that I have continued to eat Chick-fil-A over the years is possibly the most sparkling endorsement available.)

BURGER KING
Just down the road, also conveniently located on Rogers Avenue at the intersection with Waldron Avenue, is Burger King. With their overt advertisements trumpeting the benefits of “flame-broiled burgers,” the freshness of their made to order meals, and the absurdity of the King himself, Burger King has slowly built itself back into the upper echelons of the fast food world. This path is, however, littered with quite a few calories. This is a just minor casualty on our path towards delightful date land (date land is the second cousin to candy land).

If you are seeking to really impress your better half, it might be wise to come to Burger King a few hours prior to your date. The reasoning is twofold. First, this establishment seems to be a bit grungier than most. Unfortunately, cleanliness is often a trade off with economy. Once you have sufficiently scrubbed the area, it will be necessary to set up a perimeter. To effect this, you will either need to post guards or build some sort of imposing structure. Given that the management might not like foreign structures in their building, I would suggest posting guards as the more obtainable option. While this might seem a difficult task, it really isn’t. Labor is easily purchased. There are plenty of teenagers who just mill about anyway. I’m sure for a few bucks and a Burger King Cherry Icee, any number of teenagers would gladly sit in your romantic booth until you arrive with your date.

Once your perimeter is secure, you are free to prepare in any other way you wish to.  Flowers? Sure. Perhaps queuing up some Cisco in a portable boom-box? A must. All the extraneous matters are really up to the diners, what is most important is the food. If you are taking your special man friend out for an evening meal at BK, then I most whole-heartedly suggest purchasing him a BK Stacker. This is beefy decadence at its best. With stacks of meat, cheese, bacon, and sauce, there is nothing more a fella could ask for. Except for more meat, but luckily the Stackers run up to a Quad. And that’s only 1,010 calories! There’s plenty of room for some of BK’s finely salted fries to slap on the side. Remember, nothing is too good for your man friend.

If, however, the tables are turned, and it is a rather sentimental man treating his unfortunately neglected lady friend for an evening out, might I suggest a nine pack of the BK Chicken Fries. These are thinly sliced and deep fried strips of chicken. Surprisingly tasty, they are a perfect entree for your date. There are roughly five things I know about women. Limited knowledge, yes, but one thing I have noticed is that women generally do not like eating in front of people. No, that came out wrong. I’ve noticed that women have a preponderance to answering questions while eating. In some, there is also a dissuasion to eating in front of people. The common remedy for both seems to be the placing of a hand in front of their oral orifice whilst eating/responding with a full mouth. Far from casting stones, I’m merely stating something I’ve noticed. As such, the BK Chicken Fries offer a perfect meal to combat these issues.  hey are filling, but not unwieldy. Their proportions are perfect for dining with one’s hands in smaller bites.

In the mood for something a bit heavier, perhaps even requiring two hands? Try the BK  Big Fish. It is especially apt if it is nearing the end of the day and you have yet to meet your daily recommended allotment of sodium. This baby packs the salty punch like Ali.  It provides over half the daily maximum for healthy adults. Talk about convenience! Which, beyond the initial cleaning, is really the secret behind the success of a BK date, because the food ain’t great. Maybe try Subway?

An explainer note from Peter
Having such cultural diversity within easy reach is one of the many dining pleasures in the River Valley. As we continue to explore the different cooking styles throughout the area, I hope it will spur you into trying something new. Broadening horizons is as old as time itself.

You can reach Peter at [email protected]