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The City Wire was able to obtain an advance copy of the more than 1-inch thick document outlining Fort Smith City Administrator Dennis Kelly’s proposed changes to city government policies, programs, personnel and any other category you can think of that begins with the letter “P.” (Keep it clean.)

Kelly has said the document will be released to city directors, city staff and the media after the Fourth of July holiday.

Based on our review of the advance copy, following are the top 10 most interesting changes proposed by Kelly.

10. At the beginning of each board meeting, the mayor of Fort Smith and at least one city director must perform at least two minutes of non-stop dance moves from Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” video.

9. All city vehicles are to be painted like the General Lee car from the “Dukes of Hazzard.” (And yes, they’ll all have the same horn sound.)

8. A city uniform required for all city employees is patterned very close to the uniforms in the original Star Trek series. (This has raised a serious objection from Mayor Ray Baker who said he doesn’t look good in the Lt. Uhura uniform.)

7. To reduce fuel costs, as many Fort Smith transit buses as possible will be pushed by those serving community service and that know-it-all smart-ass at The City Wire.

6. An expansion of city operations will include a second office for the city administrator to be placed in a skybox at the new Dallas Cowboys stadium.

5. The “Pride and Progress” motto on Fort Smith Police Department cars will be replaced with “Put the phone down and drive, ass*&%@!”

4. Facilitator for the 2010 city director annual retreat: Paul Harvey   Marilyn Chambers Jack Kemp  Dom DeLuise   Ed McMahon   Billy Mays   Regis Philbin(?).

3. About $500,000 a year will be pulled from collections of the one-cent street tax to pay rock stars to appear in Fort Smith promo commercials. (proposed text: “Hey, I’m Angus Young with AC/DC, and if you’re not traveling to Fort Smith, then you are definitely on the Highway to Hell. So if you’d like to get shook all night long, I’d recommend attending some Big Balls in Fort Smith.”)

2. Lions and other large cats at Turpentine Creek Wildlife Refuge in Eureka Springs will be brought to Fort Smith to “encourage” improved results on the new annual physical fitness test for city employees.

1. New city song? Funkytown