Transformers proves a movie can make money without a plot

Editor’s Note: Movie reviews brought to you by The City Wire. Here. Now. Enjoy.

The Trav & SHE movie of the week: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Transformers is playing at the Malco Cinema 12 and the Carmike 14 in Fort Smith, and the Malco in Van Buren. Link here for ticket info and show times.


 
Trav: This week’s pick is Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Most of us know about the Transformers via the toys we had when we were kids or from the Saturday morning cartoons. Others might be familiar with them after purchasing the toys for their kids. If you missed out on all that, you probably heard of Transformers via the 2007 blockbuster starring Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox that brought in more than $700 million worldwide at the box office. By the time Trav &SHE hit the theater this weekend, Transformers was already breaking records for ticket sales. It ended up bringing in more than $200 million Wednesday through Sunday. Wow.

SHE: Exactly. Is a review of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen needed? Who hasn’t seen it?

Trav: You could say I was optimistic going to see this one. It’s pretty much a given that I’ll watch almost any movie with aliens or robots. This has both; these extraterrestrials are a species of alien robots. Add Megan Fox to the movie and you’ve just guaranteed my ticket purchase.

SHE: No doubt Megan Fox is a hottie and someone (not naming names) may have an inappropriate crush on Shia LaBeouf. But, wait! Josh Duhamel makes an appearance? No need for the concession stand – all the eye candy is on the screen!

Trav: We catch up with Sam Witwicky (LaBeouf) a few years after the first movie as he’s preparing for college. We quickly learn he’s leaving quite a bit behind as he moves off in the pursuit of higher education. He says his goodbyes to his Autobot alien buddy Bumblebee that lives in his garage and prepares a "long-distance-relationship-kit" for his girlfriend Mikaela (Fox). On the other side of the world we see what’s happened with the robots over the past couple of years. The Autobots (good guys) have joined up with a special forces style military division called NEST comprised of elite soldiers from different countries around the world to hunt down the Decepticons (bad guys) that are hiding on Earth. All this Autobot versus Decepticon stuff might get confusing for those unfamiliar with Transformers. I’ll give you a hint about being able to tell the good guys from the bad guys for this movie: Anything made by General Motors is good. Anything considered an import is bad.

SHE: We were a full 20 minutes into the movie and I was asking, will there be a plot? Maybe the director took liberties with the action scenes and skimped on the story, thus the 2 ½ hour running time of the film. Yes, 2 ½ hours. And, once the characters hit the screen my thoughts turned to – why is everyone still in their seats? The characters were so one-dimensional, so predictable. The desire to get up and walk out was strong. The only thing that kept me in my seat was a text from Megan Fox scheduling a spa weekend with me and her specialists offering me all of her beauty secrets and E! Entertainment Breaking News that Josh Duhamel broke off his engagement with Fergie and converted to Stephaliciousness.

Trav: You pretty much get to see non-stop action from start to finish. There is explosion after explosion. Anytime the robots were fighting, stuff is blowing up. It was too bad there wasn’t a good story to go with it. I wanted there to be a good story. Halfway through the movie I was mentally begging and pleading for the story to get better. All the explosions, CGI robots, and action just couldn’t make up for the lack of story. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t expecting an Oscar winning effort from the writers, but something was missing for me. There was some semblance of a storyline in the first movie that brought everything together, but that was left out of Transformers: ROTF. Not only was the story missing, the dialogue was borderline goofy at times. The dialogue meant to be funny seemed forced, almost like they were pushing the humor at you. I was surprised there wasn’t a sitcom style laugh track mixed in with the score. There wasn’t a need for the desperation to make this a funny, one-liner filled movie. There were even a couple of strangely crude attempts at humor lost on me. For instance, there’s a miniature robot that humps legs like a dog and a gigantic robot with a set of strategically placed wrecking balls swinging free.

SHE: Was the dialogue so cheesy, so corny, or the acting so bad? Perhaps it was all of the above? There is a home for banal one-liners. See Psych, CSI Miami, Burn. But an entire script for a big budget blockbuster cannot be made of them. There was one thing I found amusing about this movie. NEST operations are located at Diego Garcia and I dated someone named Diego Garcia when I was a sophomore in high school … and Javier Garcia … and Jose Martinez … and Manuel Gutierrez … and Juan Salas …

Trav: I’m a huge fan of this type of movie and it had all the elements with which I can find entertainment. Somehow, Transformers: ROTF didn’t do anything for me. I could continue to prattle on about all that was bad about this movie but I’m just ready for to close the book on Transformers: ROTF. It was the first movie I’ve watched in a while that felt like a waste of time. There is action scene on top of action scene but the movie is just bad. To wrap this one up, there was plenty of Megan Fox and giant robots, there just wasn’t a good story. The lack of story and the reach for laughs made this a bad movie. Megan Fox and giant robots automatically warrant one point apiece, so I’ll give it 2 out of 5. Add this one to your Netflix Queue or rent it, don’t waste your cash or time at the theater.

SHE: This film had me reminiscing for the late 80’s when it would take me 30 minutes to figure out how my son’s Transformer was “more than meets the eye!” Of course, it took him approximately less than an hour to completely destroy the toy. Sadly, Transformers: ROTF has some great special effects, a hot girl, and a couple laughs – put those together and it’s Transformers: ROTF, the sitcom, episode 1. Otherwise, it is 2 ½ hours of anemic plot, substandard acting, and ridiculous dialogue. There was nothing “more than meets the eye!” here. I ate 4 out of my 5 snacks, leaving only 1 left to give the movie. 1 out of 5, move along.

The Previews:
• The Twilight Saga: New Moon (Nov. 20)
Trav: Part two of the Twilight Saga. The wildly popular books written by Stephenie Meyer seem to have turned into a movie juggernaut. I tried reading this series, but haven’t been able to get more than 3 chapters deep into the first book. I did enjoy watching the first movie, so I’ll watch this one.

SHE: No. There was a scene with a guy dreadlocks saying, “so mouthwatering.” Based on that alone, I will not see this movie. Thank you. Go ahead, judge me.

• Aliens in the Attic (July 31)
Trav: Do. Not. Want. A movie about a group of kids that discover aliens living in the attic. The aliens will attempt world domination. The kids will try to stop them. It looks too "kiddie" to me.

SHE: Ditto, Trav. In addition, the trailer’s soundtrack was “Eye of the Tiger.” Seriously? Now, I say this, but if one of my adorable nieces or any assorted adopted nieces, nephews, etc. want me to take them – you know where I’ll be.

• Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (July 15)
Trav: I’ll admit it; I’ve read all the Harry Potter books. I even stood in midnight lines to pick up my pre-ordered copies. Based on the trailer, I think I’d watch this movie even if I had no knowledge of the Harry Potter world. Harry’s journey continues in his sixth year at Hogwarts. This was one of the best books in the series and I’m sure the movie will deliver. I’ll be there opening weekend for this one.

SHE: FULARIOUS! Don’t downplay it, Trav! You are a total Pottermaniac! I actually watched you watching this trailer and you didn’t breathe the entire time. Do I have enough time to read all the books and watch all the movies before the release?

• The Last Air Bender (July 2, 2010)
Trav: This was more of a teaser than a trailer. The last few movies from director M. Night Shyamalan have been duds but this one looks good. Not much was given away regarding the story in this one. We see a young boy in an old temple-like structure on top of an ocean-side cliff doing some fancy martial arts moves. As the camera pans out of temple we see an attack from warriors climbing up the cliff. Keep panning back you see the boats that dropped of the attacking warriors. Pan back further you see bigger boats. Pan back further, etc.

SHE: I’m glad you explained this. I was really confused and thought perhaps it wasn’t a young boy in a temple with a series of camera pan-outs but a VH-1 special on the making of The Police video “Wrapped Around Your Finger” Wait. What? Not a child of the Eighties?

• G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (Aug. 7)
Trav: I’ll probably watch this because I grew up with G.I. Joe, but based on the trailer, I don’t think I’ll like it.

SHE: Aw, TRAV, I grew up with Lite Brite and that doesn’t mean that I would run out and watch a movie about it! Fight the power! Don’t give in! Surely, we’ll find something else to watch instead of a guaranteed snooze fest. And yes, I just called you surely.

Up next: Public Enemies, starring Johnny Depp

Feedback
Trav can can be reached at [email protected]

SHE can be reached at [email protected]