Observations

TEA TIME
At the recent Tea Party event in downtown Fort Smith there was much talk of getting government out of our lives. Lord help me if I said anything other than that I wasn’t all for that. It’s a struggle to keep my internal Libertarian voices down to a dull roar.

But my cynicism of people overcame my rah-rah for kicking Congress in the shins when I noticed that some of those folks cheering for less government were the same folks who pushed for more government in the their successful attempt a few years ago to quash the perfectly reasonable and economically sensible plan to build a commercial park on Old Greenwood Road near the headquarters of Arkansas Best Corp.

Funny how we oppose government interference up until the time we need government to run interference.

TEA TIME II
Did you notice how most of the negative tea party comments focused on the people who attended them? Tea party attendees, we are supposed to believe, are a bunch of rich, racist, redneck, right-winger, rebel-flag waving, rifle-toting rubes. It’s interesting how those who ridiculed the tea parties resorted to personal attacks instead of addressing the political philosophy of less taxes and limited government. It reinforces the old maxim that liberals are inclusive and open-minded until challenged.

WASTED TIME
The folks who arranged a recent Leadership Fort Smith mini-session on “Regionalism” certainly meant well, and as much can be asserted about the mini-session presenters. And because all these people have their heart in the right place, what follows will likely appear unnecessarily harsh to those who believe intentions matter more than results.

As it turns out, regionalism, according to the mini-session, is a good thing. I was just as shocked at this revelation as you probably are. But it’s true. They said R-E-G-I-O-N-A-L-I-S-M (it was spelled out for us as if we were reading from Dr. Seuss … “I do not like Regionalism, Old School Sam I Am”) is good because blah blah blah blah and regionalism brings diversity of blah blah blah and smart people support regionalism blah blah blah blah and regionalism is a winning solution blah blah blah blah blah and regionalism can even help your tomato plants grow big and tall.

Here’s the deal. The train that brought us the news that regionalism is a good thing left the station many, many, many years ago. We get it. We’ve had our regionalism successes (188th, Marshals Museum, Western Arkansas Mountain Frontier tourism group, Chaffee Crossing) and we’ve had our regionalism failures (I-49, the Fort Smith chamber’s most recent economic development strategy).

So let’s agree to this: If you or your organization want to sponsor something clever on regionalism, you must select from two types of clever presentations. The first type is Refresher Regionalism, at which folks can gather and talk about the day we all learned the earth was not the center of the universe and that regionalism is a good thing. A circle is formed, participants talk about their redeeming personality traits, folks hug and then promise to do better. Kumbaya.

The second type is where folks gather and everyone spits into the wind. If there is no wind, spit straight up. You can hug if you want.

The point is, R-E-G-I-O-N-A-L-I-S-M is how you spell a concept that helps result in success only when you include A-C-T-I-O-N.

SPEED INTERNS
It’s a little known program, but the city of Fort Smith is working with NASCAR to develop future drivers. The pilot program has proven successful, with many drivers able to get the big blue Fort Smith sanitation trucks up to amazing speeds while traveling south down Arkansas 45 to the Fort Smith landfill. Boogity-boogity-boogity, boys! Let’s go trash-truck racing!

SPEED HUMPS
Members of the city of Fort Smith board of directors talked recently about “traffic calming” efforts in residential neighborhoods now surrounded by commerce and the traffic it brings. One solution mentioned to reduce traffic was something called a “speed hump.”

“Is a speed hump the same thing as a quickie?” was an inquiry forwarded to members of the city staff.

Considering that a quickie at the right place in a road would do much to slow or redirect traffic, this is not a unreasonable question.

Turns out, a speed hump has nothing to do with fornicating fast. Out of respect for the laws of decency, that’s probably a good thing; but it’s nevertheless disappointing, because “Life’s worth Speed Humping in Fort Smith, Arkansas” has a nice ring to it.

That, and the t-shirts would sell as fast as you could make them. And we could rebrand Miss Laura’s as the “Home of the original Speed Hump.”

I’m just saying.