Big Screen Peter: Prometheus

The hype couldn't have been bigger for Prometheus. With carefully crafted trailers and unique virals, the movie seemed to destined to become a new cultural touchstone, both building on the legacy of the two early Alien films and striking forth to stake its own cinematic claims.

Rest assured, however, you can put those expectations quietly away. Prometheus is a hot mess. So much so that it could use a subtitle: Bright People Doing Dim Things Amidst the Grandeur of Outer Space.

That title could use some work, sure. But the point stands. Somehow, somewhere, the promise of Prometheus devolved into a tangle of cliched characters and inane action plotting.

When an arrow flies at you, you don't run away from it. You try to jump out of the way. Natural response, right? Yet, at the end of Prometheus, we see two characters trying to outrun an object about to fall on them instead of hanging a right turn at Albuquerque and running perpendicular from it. What good can come from tossing away common sense for heightened action? For there is no other intent beyond the filmmakers desperation to create more tension. The answer is nothing by the way.

One scene, of course, does not a terrible movie make. No, that sort of designation is built up over two hours.

In this case, the audience is treated to a line of paper thin characters. There's the no nonsense, don't mess with me gruff guy. There's the hot-shot know-it-all, the naïve hopeful, the greedy old man.

The common thread amongst these and the rest of the cardboard crew? They're ostensibly leaders in their field. Intelligent people brought together by an exceedingly wealthy man (corporation) to find the origins of humanity. Yet, they spend the majority of the two hours proving that they are anything but thinking beings and instead operate like cut-rate teen actors in a bad horror film. Prometheus is just one long and ill-advised jaunt into the dark woods alone.

The crew spends two years in a sleep-like stasis aboard the Prometheus on their way to an earth-like planet. During the long journey, they are tended to by a soulless robot named David who uses the years immersing himself in ancient languages so as to be able to communicate with whomever or whatever they find on this far-flung, earth-like orb. Because of the Spock-like tendencies of such an entity as David, it would be safe to assume that at least the writers could keep him on character. Unfortunately, even he is able to deposit puzzlement in the minds of moviegoers. Where does the vindictiveness arise? How can a supposedly non-feeling being have a hidden agenda?

In essence, this unending string of questions is the lasting legacy of Prometheus. It's a large ball of confusion, never once finding a coherent narrative theme. Instead, we are left with high hopes and amazing cinematography.

The opening sequence is a glory to behold. And that magnificence is displayed time and again throughout the picture, with winning effects sequencing and stunning landscapes.

Which is why it's best to stick with the trailer. It delivers the grandiose beauty, but spares us the derivative characters and narrative holes.